when i was a young girl:

i used to see my life as being something that i had already done
i was often very worried that i was in fact just reliving things i had already accomplished -
that i was not actually living in the moment but that i was standing at the gates of heaven
telling the story of my life to that dude who guarded the entrance
i was telling it and re watching it
seeing everything i had done
and yet was unable to remember the things that came after my current stage of the story
i though:
i am not a part of this world - i am a memory -
these people im talking about them and knowing them because they meant everything to me.

does that make any sense?

today i see that as being a silly child
who wouldve loved to have read descartes so she would know that
to think these things meant she was in fact living
and existing in the now

i am living you see
breathing in and out everyday
all these things that are happening to me are happening to me for the first time

the way i deal with them
how i accept them are unknown before because
i did not know of them

the love i lose
the love i find is all new
because it is something that i never knew would exist

obviously right?

tomorrow may bring a war
an apocalypse
a new hope
(obi wan?)

anything
well
maybe not anything

((there are some things that cannot change
that we cant take back no matter how hard we try
but those things revolve around death))
anything else?

maybe everything else is game - everything else is possible
?

i wonder

i wonder as i listen to ben lee
and think of all the possibilities before me
all the sadness behind me and i thank every part of everything
for the fact that i get to do this for the first time
that i get to live and walk and read
and love.

i get to be - and being is so good

project -

i wanted to try something new with the computer - i taced over a sketch i did and added color -
she's becoming a star -



oh and ive been having drawing parties with alphonse mucha - duh

i say : Bellingham Update! !

I promised stefanie that i would update - tell the internet all the new and exciting things that have been happening in little ole' bellingham : : so here it is! !

. . .
. . . . .

there have been very few changes here since you all have left
deedee and i go to school
karl does the internet
we all watch lost/battlestar
and sometimes eat desserts and candy.

everything is soggy - leaves are everywhere
all brown . gold . and wet
there are some pretty big puddles
and thea gets rained on when shes in her poop.room

karl finally got paid by clickpop
i draw comics in class because there are no notes to take
((im very bad at art history))

oh!
my good friends have finished their first album and it's amazing!

stress and love are everywhere
were all feeling the effects of the damp . dark bellingham fall
but have love and movies
and tv to get us through!

we won our president of choice and karl hasn't smoked since

my brother has been in rehab since late october - that's interesting i suppose

what else - what else would you like to know internet?

oh i ate carrots while walking to meet a friend at the bus the other day - that was awesome.

x
x

OH!! PS!
i've been having sad missing you pains - when i think about the jimmy. the stef. the david. my tummy gets tight and all i want to do is hug you all so tight - the missing is getting bad i cannot wait for december - i love you all so much.

the simple things :

new presidents

go America!

Off Topic Post -

i wrote something then changed my mind.

x

fun update

deedee is asleep

nick is asleep

karl is asleep

im playing video games - video games are sic!

everyone is drunk
(well not everyone - deedee is just tired!)

tonight was cool.

eating on the streets?!

i believe there is something so wonderful and silly about eating food while walking.

i discovered this a few years ago while at the sasquatch music festival - it was sometime in the afternoon and rocky votolato was about to go on on one of the smaller stages and i had a little pain in my tummy and i thought to myself "i really wanna see rocky but i really want to eat this delicious apple - what am i to do?!" i decided to eat the apple AND watch the show!

crazy, i know

so there i was singing along, standing in a crowd, and eating an apple - it was great - i was doing so many things that i love at once!

so that ignited a love inside my little heart - one i didnt get to go back to until i lived in bellingham because port orchard is too big to walk from one place to another so i had no reason to make a snack and enjoy it while walking from one part of town to the other.

- - -

peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are the best snack to bring along to any occasion - its just two pieces of bread and a yummy center that i can carry in one hand! and so when i want to go somewhere (like work) and dont have enough time to enjoy it at my house i pack it up with me and take as many bites as i can while crossing the street - its truly miraculous!

so if you havent tried eating a sandwich while walking around a town i highly recommend it - or if you dont feel brave enough for that - take an apple - or a box of crackers!

oh and if youre walking with crackers and you run into a friend you can offer them some and thus you are not only making yourself happy but your friend too!

so friends - - todays lesson is::
food on the streets is always a real fun time!