when i was a young girl:

i used to see my life as being something that i had already done
i was often very worried that i was in fact just reliving things i had already accomplished -
that i was not actually living in the moment but that i was standing at the gates of heaven
telling the story of my life to that dude who guarded the entrance
i was telling it and re watching it
seeing everything i had done
and yet was unable to remember the things that came after my current stage of the story
i though:
i am not a part of this world - i am a memory -
these people im talking about them and knowing them because they meant everything to me.

does that make any sense?

today i see that as being a silly child
who wouldve loved to have read descartes so she would know that
to think these things meant she was in fact living
and existing in the now

i am living you see
breathing in and out everyday
all these things that are happening to me are happening to me for the first time

the way i deal with them
how i accept them are unknown before because
i did not know of them

the love i lose
the love i find is all new
because it is something that i never knew would exist

obviously right?

tomorrow may bring a war
an apocalypse
a new hope
(obi wan?)

anything
well
maybe not anything

((there are some things that cannot change
that we cant take back no matter how hard we try
but those things revolve around death))
anything else?

maybe everything else is game - everything else is possible
?

i wonder

i wonder as i listen to ben lee
and think of all the possibilities before me
all the sadness behind me and i thank every part of everything
for the fact that i get to do this for the first time
that i get to live and walk and read
and love.

i get to be - and being is so good

project -

i wanted to try something new with the computer - i taced over a sketch i did and added color -
she's becoming a star -



oh and ive been having drawing parties with alphonse mucha - duh

i say : Bellingham Update! !

I promised stefanie that i would update - tell the internet all the new and exciting things that have been happening in little ole' bellingham : : so here it is! !

. . .
. . . . .

there have been very few changes here since you all have left
deedee and i go to school
karl does the internet
we all watch lost/battlestar
and sometimes eat desserts and candy.

everything is soggy - leaves are everywhere
all brown . gold . and wet
there are some pretty big puddles
and thea gets rained on when shes in her poop.room

karl finally got paid by clickpop
i draw comics in class because there are no notes to take
((im very bad at art history))

oh!
my good friends have finished their first album and it's amazing!

stress and love are everywhere
were all feeling the effects of the damp . dark bellingham fall
but have love and movies
and tv to get us through!

we won our president of choice and karl hasn't smoked since

my brother has been in rehab since late october - that's interesting i suppose

what else - what else would you like to know internet?

oh i ate carrots while walking to meet a friend at the bus the other day - that was awesome.

x
x

OH!! PS!
i've been having sad missing you pains - when i think about the jimmy. the stef. the david. my tummy gets tight and all i want to do is hug you all so tight - the missing is getting bad i cannot wait for december - i love you all so much.

the simple things :

new presidents

go America!

Off Topic Post -

i wrote something then changed my mind.

x