future goals?!

when things get difficult
just give up and adopt a bunch of cats!

how to successfully survive: :

the last few weeks of class?

how do people remove their personal lives from their school lives?

i haven't been able to figure this out yet

i am so easily distracted by everything else that is in my head the important little things that so often consume me and my thoughts

little bloggy
maybe i'll just visit you more often
get thoughts out over the computer

pizza brings me joy
so does coffee
and the x files

my new favorite thing is sitting in laynes backyard
on her outdoor blankets
drinking the wine in the day time
talking about boys and shit like that
it's really quite wonderful.

this summer i want to go swimming
i want to sit by the ocean
i want to sleep on a lawn
i want to dance with friends
and make jokes while smoking cigarettes and drinking beers
i want hugs
and kisses
and late night conversations over silly videos

i think we can make this happen dudes
don't study just party
shit
i was supposed to make cookies today.

the french -

they really get it
they understand love
life
maybe?
to know that you
would travel into the future
only to go back into the past
to love a woman
who youve never really met
except once or twice
in a park or museum.

oh .
the french.

the other day i remembered that i love
filling a tub full of bath water before
i get in

so often ill sit in the tub while the water rises
rarely do i let the tub fill before i choose to relax inside

the other day i waited and waited
and when i submersed
my body in that steamy tub water
i got it i remembered how wonderful it was
to sit in a tub full of soapy
warm water

remember -
this blog is about love

and god damnit do i love full baths and french people.

jimmy i hope to see you soon.

x

babies are weird!

karl and i made this!

p cool huh?!



oh and
schools done

there was an awesome downpour today
so much rain - there were people running all around
it was wonderful! !

dear friends -

life in bellingham doesn't really change -

it goes as fallows:
wake up (to three alarms)
school
come home to eat food with karl and deedee (when shes home)
back to school
and than various tv shows.

it's really quite simple -

i miss the people that aren't here
and cherish those that are

i hope the world is treating everyone well -
jimmy i hope france is wonderful
dave i hope new york isn't so snowy that you die
stef i hope you made wonderful music while you were away from it all (and i hope to hear what you've created someday soon)

tonight everyone's asleep and i'm playing final fantasy XII
it's really quite nice.

love love
updates are fun!

when i was a young girl:

i used to see my life as being something that i had already done
i was often very worried that i was in fact just reliving things i had already accomplished -
that i was not actually living in the moment but that i was standing at the gates of heaven
telling the story of my life to that dude who guarded the entrance
i was telling it and re watching it
seeing everything i had done
and yet was unable to remember the things that came after my current stage of the story
i though:
i am not a part of this world - i am a memory -
these people im talking about them and knowing them because they meant everything to me.

does that make any sense?

today i see that as being a silly child
who wouldve loved to have read descartes so she would know that
to think these things meant she was in fact living
and existing in the now

i am living you see
breathing in and out everyday
all these things that are happening to me are happening to me for the first time

the way i deal with them
how i accept them are unknown before because
i did not know of them

the love i lose
the love i find is all new
because it is something that i never knew would exist

obviously right?

tomorrow may bring a war
an apocalypse
a new hope
(obi wan?)

anything
well
maybe not anything

((there are some things that cannot change
that we cant take back no matter how hard we try
but those things revolve around death))
anything else?

maybe everything else is game - everything else is possible
?

i wonder

i wonder as i listen to ben lee
and think of all the possibilities before me
all the sadness behind me and i thank every part of everything
for the fact that i get to do this for the first time
that i get to live and walk and read
and love.

i get to be - and being is so good